Every time I go inside, or look up at a ceiling, I wonder if it might fall on me in the next minute. One of the youth from Cheridant, where our office is located told me how he was helping with some work on the local church building for some wall repair (pre-earthquake). He related how he was working and then, as he put it, something told him he should maybe try something different, so he got up from where he was, and started for the door. Just at that moment, the way he put it, the ceiling fell on the very spot where he had been.

Now I know you Californians are used to earthquakes and maybe living with that kind danger, but not me.

Just to dispel the notion that I may be out there slinging sacks of rice, or handing out cups of powdered milk to pot bellied children, well, my days consist more of attending numerous meetings, chasing down various funders and organizations, handing out business cards, making phone calls, emails, and pouring over endless documents and updates. One of things that I am learning about this situation is that what is true now may not be true in 2 hours. So the ground keeps shifting, no pun intended. This makes planning very tough, and adds to everyone's stress level. There are tonnes of people running around the UN compound in a virtual frenzy, trying their best to stay on top of things. I use that term loosely, because really this situation is way out ahead of anybody, and will likely stay that way for a long time.

For us in particular, the next planting season starts very soon, in a matter of weeks. So we have to start preparing yesterday, and do our best to ensure that farmers can make the very best of the season, and provide the much needed crops that will be harvested a few months from now. That will require a lot of preparation both on the ground and on paper.

I haven't been following the news much lately, but I would guess that the stories from Haiti might be about how aid is not getting where it is needed, or about distributions that go bad. The organization I work for has done very little relief work since our focus has always been long term development, but even we are being faced with the urgency of the situation. I have to say that the folks I have met are doing their best under ridiculous circumstances. There are parts of the UN compound where you can't even walk for all the tents pitched one up against another. It is all relative of course. Monday night I stayed in a makeshift camp in a small town called Trouin where I pitched my tent with 180 people sleeping under 6 large blue tarps.

The crazy thing is, that I have always thought people here were living on the proverbial edge. It's heartwrenching, and a little frightening because the consequences of this event I think, are yet to come. I'm sorry for sounding so doomsday, and there is a positive side. I think, as do many, that this is an historic moment, not only for Haiti, but for us as a global community. The only question is will we or can we rise to the occasion? This is not a rhetorical question. I honestly don't know either personally, or otherwise.

Something I am learning from this situation is that people (and by people, I mean me) only see what they want to see. What I see as I drive through Port au Prince is not the destruction and the terrible living conditions, but I see people adapting, living with courage. I am aware that this is me trying to paint things for myself as brightly as possible, and I catch myself when people point stuff out to me, like, "look at that building", and I realize I had totally filtered it out, and was looking at the merchants still selling produce on the sidewalk, in front of the crumbled blocks, as they always have--just the background has changed.

I apologize for my lack of blogging. I am blaming on a combination of bad internet, and super long days which leave me exhausted and in no condition to type. Plus there is always my tent to set up, carefully placed as far from the nearest buildings. Small tremors continue, although I have not felt any in the past couple days. They have been small, but it feels to me like the earth is growling like a dog, getting ready to attack.

So this is what I bring? A few boxes and duffel bags of medical supplies hastily purchased at an open-late grocery in Canada, and an open-Sunday pharmacy in the Dominican Republic? I feel like the young boy in the parable of the loave and fishes.

Of course this is just a start. Our goal is to ramp up our provisions to our target areas by coordinating with other NGO's and international organizations. We really don't want to duplicate. There will be plenty of that going on, likely. So my main job here, for as long as it lasts, is to help coordinate between our staff in Haiti (not quite there yet--in Santo Domingo), who are on the ground, ready, and connected with communities, and the numerous Aid organizations who have the goods, but may not be able to get it out there, especially to some of the more remote or less known communities, but who are equally in need. Sounds so simple right? Right?

Every day since the earthquake has gotten longer and longer. I'm still packing, but I bought a steak today (well, Saturday), and I'm determined to eat it before I make the journey to the airport.

Some good news today from our staff in Haiti. With some 150 community members they were able to organize some road repairs caused by the quake and opened up an important (the only!) road into our project area. Our staff are also linking with community leaders to extend the distribution of aid beyond the focus areas (primarily Port au Prince).

So much to say, no time right now. I really hope to have at least sporadic internet and to be able to blog faithfully.

I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers.

Do you think maybe I'll be sick of Clif bars by the time this trip is over? (I should count myself lucky...

)

I went out a bought myself an ultralight weight, one man tent. I'm going to field test it tonight in my living room

.

While using the chat function in skype to converse with our director in Haiti just now, our conversation was interrupted by him saying there was a tremor, and that he had to leave. I was in hindsight surprised he would even take the time to type that out before leaving.

But I haven't heard from him since, and assume he's ok, but who knows?

Now, I am going to Haiti. The organization I work for Floresta, needs someone to help coordinate with other organizations for relief. Our staff there are mobilizing to work with communities in our project area to do road repair. They are also meeting with community leaders to formulate recovery plans.

I don't know how much internet connection I will have, but I will try to post something here as often as I am able.

I am in Canada, not in Haiti.

I just heard from our director there, and all of our staff are ok, thank God. As you have heard in the news, buildings have been destroyed, the communication system is down, and there have been many deaths.